Program helps students connect

Learning to take care of each other may be one of the single most important lessons students can learn in school.

SCOTT FRIEDMAN Students at the Freehold Intermediate School, Freehold Borough, scramble to meet new friends during an activity in the "Connecting the Dots" program. The program teaches students that they need to respect one another and learn how to take care of one another.

A program called "Connecting the Dots" offered two five-hour training days at the Freehold Intermediate School in Freehold Borough to encourage and help students find a way to do just that.

The program was presented by the founder of the Ovation Company, Stu Cabe, who created "Connecting the Dots."

The program offers opportunities for students to connect with individuals outside of their normal routine and out of their comfort zone. It also provides students with a better understanding about how they impact each other, both positively and negatively, while promoting empathy, acceptance and understanding.

One of the key messages of the program is "it's not cool to make fun of other people. It makes you uncool," Cabe explained.

SCOTT FRIEDMAN Stu Cabe makes a point during his "Connecting the Dots" program at the Freehold Intermediate School, Freehold Borough. Cabe created the program so youngsters can learn how to make friends by coming out of their comfort zone and out of their normal routines.

More than 150 young people gathered in the gym to listen to Cabe and to participate in activities that were aimed at bringing together students who would not normally spend time together.

Cabe's enthusiasm spread throughout the gym. The students appeared excited, responsive and engaged in the program.

Cabe is an educator and actor and he began his presentation with a lot of fanfare, jokes and impressions to break the ice.

One came to realize that the program was not merely for fun, but also for reaching deep feelings and emotions that students are sometimes reluctant to reveal to anyone, even those closest to them.

He demonstrated that many people are creatures of habit — good habits and bad habits. He asked the children to do things differently from the way they normally do, knowing that request would cause some discomfort.

"It is better to learn to develop good habits that will last a lifetime rather than hanging on to behaviors that make life tougher," Cabe said.

"Connecting the Dots" also addresses bullying, which Cabe said is a complex issue and something that is difficult for students to understand. The program breaks down the subtleties of bullying, not just physical intimidation and harassment, but word choice, body language and appropriate humor.

"Connecting the Dots" challenges students to be a part of the "caring majority" at their school and empowers them to be a change agent, regardless of their age or social stature, according to Cabe.

He explained that becoming part of the caring majority means being connected to positive influences and finding those people who make you feel good about yourself.

The students were then divided into small groups and each group had a leader. Choosing a partner, someone new to them, was first on the agenda.

Standing side by side was easy, according to Cabe, but facing someone directly was tougher. Eye contact is very important so people can really see you, he explained.

Taking the students out of their regular routine and encouraging them to do something different was the plan even though it was a bit uncomfortable.

"Do things differently than you always do" was his message to the intermediate school pupils.

Another activity involved a chalkboard.

"If I could read your mind" is the idea of this activity, according to Cabe, who asked the students to imagine having a chalkboard around their neck with a sign that would explain what they were going through that day.

"What would happen if you could read that display on the chalkboard?" Cabe asked. "Would you treat someone differently?"

He gave examples of what a student might write on his or her sign, such as "Please be nice to me. My parents are getting a divorce." or "The adults in my family are not treating me well."

"Treat everyone as if there is something written on that chalkboard, for you never know what battle the may be fighting," he said. "Ten out of 10 is the goal. If you meet 10 people today, everyone should walk away feeling like you respected them and treated them fairly."

The final game had students accessing emotions they normally would not be willing to share, yet in front of their peers and Cabe they appeared to feel safe enough to do so. Starting out with simple questions and building up to tougher queries, Cabe created imaginary lines on the gym floor for the numbers 1-10, with 10 being the number with the most impact.

"On a scale of 1-10, how much of your day is spent thinking about or playing sports?" he asked. The students were instructed to answer the question silently by stepping on the imaginary line that corresponded to the impact sports had on their life.

The questions advanced to one which asked how much a part of your day is spent watching others call people names or talk about them behind their backs or witnessing physical threats, or witnessing name calling behind other's backs or name calling directly to someone's face.

The students showed a great deal of courage as many moved up toward the 10 line to show how deeply affected they were by the situations that take place around them.

The students also displayed honesty as many moved toward the 10 line when the questions became more personal.

When the question "How much a part of your life is loneliness?" came up, many students moved toward the 8-10 line. Cabe said he would not tell them if their numbers were more or less than other schools. He just told them their number was significant and that things must change.

After the activity, the program wrapped up with students giving one another yarn bracelets. The bracelets were given for a number of reasons, according to Cabe, including to say "I'm sorry I did this to you," or to say thank you for something, or to express friendship or forgiveness.

Many students left the gym with a number of bracelets on their wrists, showing the connections they had made that day. They left the gym with a clearer understanding and compassion for what they had seen their peers reveal in public, knowing how difficult it was to do so.

Principal Nelson Ribon said he is already looking forward to Cabe's visit next year.

"Stu has made a tremendous impact on the Freehold Intermediate School in a short period of time," he said. "It was clear to us that our students were able to carry over behaviors and vocabulary they were exposed to from the activities, stories and interactions in the program. The observed relationships of last year's sixth- and seventh-graders was very positive."

Ribon said he brought the program to the school to reinforce efforts that are already being made to reduce bullying, intimidation and teasing on campus.

"The manner in which students speak to one another and behave around each other and adults should be in a respectful manner that promotes a culture of a caring and respectful school community … I challenge each and every (student) to be a part of the caring majority at school, to be a change agent on campus regardless of their age or social stature."