At darkest hour, area families find a friend

BY TALI ISRAELI
Staff Writer

Debbie Kosinski and her children were assisted with a donation from the Jason David Cayne Foundation following the death of her husband, Paul, in 2003. When Debbie Kosinski’s husband, Paul, died after 12 years of marriage, the Jason David Cayne Foundation was just the support she needed to get through her first year without him.

The foundation was established by Marlboro resident Gina Cayne after her husband was killed at the World Trade Center in New York City on Sept. 11, 2001. The foundation aids men and women in Monmouth County who have tragically or unexpectedly lost a spouse and have children under age 18.

The foundation was established to help widows and widowers cope with the immediate financial burdens that a family faces after the death of a spouse. It also offers a social support group for those in need of emotional support.

Cayne said she is doing because a community is made up of people who should be there for each other in good times and bad. In its first 18 months of operation the foundation provided assistance to 11 people and awarded a total of $79,000 to its recipients.

Cayne said that after she lost her husband she was so overwhelmed and grateful for the donations she received that she wanted to “pay it forward.”

“I was so thankful, [because] without the public I don’t know where I would’ve been,” she said, adding that she had never considered all of the things a person must face when a spouse dies. “It’s like you just went from a whole person into a half of a person. You are trying to mourn for your spouse, but you can’t because you need to take care of your children. I put every ounce of energy I had into making sure my kids’ lives stayed stable.”

Kosinski felt the same way about her children. She said that after her husband, Paul, died of a heart attack at the age of 38 on June 29, 2003, she made her children her first priority.

The Kosinskis had recently moved into a new house in Red Bank with their children who were 11, 7 and 4. After her husband died, Kosinski, who was working part time as a hairdresser, had to quit her job in order to take care of her children at night.

Kosinski said she struggled with the mortgage, health benefits and everyday living after her husband died.

“I had a new mortgage, bigger bills, bigger everything, and no money coming in from either side,” she said.

Kosinski received about $20,000 in donations from her neighbors, co-workers, friends and clients after her husband died. She said she put away $5,000 for each child, which left her with $5,000 to pay her bills.

After struggling for almost six months on donations, Social Security and only three months of health benefits from her husband’s job, Kosinski’s son’s counselor told her about the Jason David Cayne Foundation.

At first she said she was very skeptical, thinking there had to be a catch to the foundation. Kosinski said she was pleasantly surprised when she found out she did not have to do anything to receive financial help.

The foundation took care of Kosinski’s mortgage and health benefits for three months, totaling about $6,000.

“Gina really helped me keep my home,” she said.

Kosinski said she thinks the foundation is the greatest thing in the world.

“It’s the first one of its kind, and you don’t realize how important it is until you’re put in that position,” she said. “She helps you get on your feet until you figure out what to do.”

Kosinski said she is just now coming out of the shock of losing her husband. She attends functions with the foundation’s social support group and will soon be taking over for Lisa Dantuono, who currently runs the support group.

The support group consists of people between the ages of 25 and 50, but it is not a bereavement group, Cayne said.

Kosinski added, “When we go out, we go out to escape it.”

She said the support group is just a bunch of people going out on a Friday night. If a slow song comes on, a person doesn’t have to feel sad, but if they need to cry they can because everyone understands, she added.

With the social group, Kosinski said she was able to be around people her own age, and that was important.

“You think of a widow as a little old lady with a kerchief on her head. But when I lost my husband, I was 37. I thought I was the only 37-year-old widow,” Kosinski said.

The foundation is also a big help to the children who have lost a parent, she said.

“I think it takes their fear away. They’re not the only kids without a father,” she said about her own children. “A boy losing his father at 11 is major. They were best friends.”

In order to bring people together, Cayne hosted a party at her home and a group of about 20 widows and widowers came with their children to celebrate the holidays together. She said she received donations from Best Buy, Ultimate Caterers and Unique Musique for the event.

Cayne said it was the most unbelievable moment she ever had.

“It was the first time I stepped back and said, ‘Oh, my God. Look at what we’re doing,’ ” she said.

The Jason David Cayne Foundation will be “Puttin’ on the Ritz” at its second annual ball to be held Feb. 26 at 8 p.m. at The Excelsior, Route 9, Manalapan. The admission fee is $125 per person or $1,500 for a table for 12. The price of admission includes cocktails, dinner, dancing and raffle tickets. For more information call (732) 536-1719.

Cayne said the foundation is close to expanding to Ocean County, depending on the outcome of the ball.

“It’s amazing how many people we’ve had to turn down strictly because they live a mile too far,” she said.

Cayne said those who attend the ball should know they will be helping to expand the foundation to another community.